letters and lattes

On our journey of self-awareness and introspection, we’ll discover many labels. Some we’ll affix ourselves. Others will be given to us. With each we need to tread carefully. Our language of labels can be incredibly unhelpful. A sign of maturity is our ability to question these labels, before firmly fixing them in place, if we choose to. 

So much of our individual identify, self-first, focused reality creates a posture of “this is me” and therefore our discovery of identity can lead to, actually, a lack of growth. This is the hard stuff that is easy to leave behind in the pursuit of all our growing, fluffing our tails and puffing our chests, looking only at our strengths and goodness. We need to be wary when we allow our labels to permiss our negative behaviours. It says, “yes, Slytherin, you are a sneaky little rat, but that’s ok. You’re a Slytherin, people expect this of you. Keep on Slytherin! You do you!”¹

We can apply this to any of the labels we adhere to ourselves or let others affix on our behalf. If we wear that, and own it, we have to own how it affects others. We have to accept we have a responsibility in not only identifying our strengths and building on them, but on being aware of our sharp points. The label, whatever it may be, at first glance was a helpful resource for introspection and relationship, becomes self-serving. We have a responsibility in loving others well to not leave it there.

This, dear reader, is about grace. 

It is about empathy. 

It is about loving others well. 

A long time ago I was a volunteer at an event and as a young adult I was given the task of crossing off names of guests who were on the free ticket list. Through a competition they had won a ticket, they did not physically have a ticket, but their name was on the list. The trouble was, there was no list. I was given a pen and paper and told to write down their names. There was significant trust that whoever showed up was meant to be there! As a twenty-one year old I scribbled names on this list, trying to hide misspelling in looping letters. A few guests even pointed to their name and corrected it. I thought, I can’t let them know there is no list! The task obviously bothered my detail-orientated personality. The last instruction I was given was to “err on the side of grace.” The reality was there was no list, instead there was a posture of trust, generosity and grace. That instruction has stayed with me and I do my best to apply it to every area of my life, positioning myself to err on the side of grace.

Everytime I come to form a definition of grace I find it limiting. What is grace? Grace is a golden thread that stitches us together. It fills cracks, repairing what was torn, renewing what needs new life. Without grace? We remain wounded, fractured and incomplete. We neglect our sharp bits, forgetting that they could poke someone else in the eye, neglecting to care for others better by working on softening our sharp edges. 

Grace is “seeing people as more than the sum of their mistakes,”² it is seeing beyond the label and the failings and choosing to love well. “Grace exists in the space between people,” like a golden thread stitching together fractures “and grace brings light.”² We show grace when we extend forgiveness, when we ignore the off-the-cuff statement, when we operate out of a position of openness and not defensiveness (or offensiveness). It is easy to be offended. It is easy to jump on the defense. It takes practice to maintain a posture of peace. 

We have a responsibility as we learn about ourselves to not thrust our label in others faces as a banner covering our shortcomings, as if to explain them away.  We extend grace to ourselves and to others. 

By all means, wear the label if you like it. But wear it with humility. By all means, show it to others. But do so graciously. We hold this information about ourselves knowing it is incomplete. Knowing there is more work to be done on our journey of self-understanding and growth. Knowing that this is only one stage. We do not learn to grow and remain isolated. We do not label ourselves to burrow underground, forming relational barricades. 

We need humility, grace and empathy. 

We turn inward for the sake of self-awareness, but it should not end here. Through grace we turn inward for the sake of love.³ And loving others well.

This is how we should live, dear reader, a bit on labels and a lot on grace.

Go well

Steph

¹ Yes, I am being intentionally facetious with this reference. 

² Julia Baird, Bright Shining: How Grace Changes Everything (Australia: HarperCollins, 2023), p.6; p.278.

³ Rich Villodas, Good and Beautiful and Kind: Becoming Whole in a Fractured World (Colorado Springs: WaterBrook, 2022), p.11.